30+ Funny Ways to Say We Have No Money (with Examples)

Someone asked me yesterday if I wanted to go out for a fancy dinner and drinks. My wallet felt lonely, so I had to tell them my bank account was crying. We all hit these moments when funds are tight. Why not laugh about it? Here are some hilarious ways to admit you are completely broke today, my friend.

Funny Ways to Say We Have No Money for Close Friends

My Wallet is Currently an Onion

Opening it makes me cry because there is absolutely nothing inside to see. Use this when you are at a checkout counter or looking at a menu. People love it because it paints a vivid picture of your misery. It works perfectly when your friends are trying to convince you to order appetizers.

My wallet is currently an onion so I will pass on dessert.
Do not check the bag because my wallet is currently an onion.
Guess who has to stay home since my wallet is currently an onion?
Seriously, my wallet is currently an onion if we want to grab food.

Moth Buffet Tonight

Imagine the little critters inside your billfold having a giant feast because of the emptiness. Tell your best buds this when they suggest an expensive trip or shopping spree. Humor helps hide the pain of being penniless. It creates a silly visual that changes the mood from sad to funny fast.

Enjoy the sushi because it is a moth buffet tonight for me.
Expecting a moth buffet tonight so I can not pay the rent.
Perhaps we should stay inside since it is a moth buffet tonight.
Dealing with a moth buffet tonight while waiting for my next paycheck.

My Credit Card Has Stage Fright

Keeping the card tucked away happens because it refuses to show its face at the register. Mention this whenever you want to avoid paying for a group meal without being boring. It suggests your card is shy rather than empty. Friends usually laugh at the idea of a card having emotions.

Put the tab on your card since mine has stage fright.
Unfortunately, my credit card has stage fright so I cannot buy tickets.
Watch as my credit card has stage fright when we reach checkout.
Maybe wait a week since my credit card has stage fright today.

Paying with Thoughts and Prayers

Sending good vibes is all you have left when the bank balance hits zero. Friends know exactly what this means when you cannot chip in for gas. It feels sarcastic enough to make everyone chuckle. Use this vibe when you want to avoid the awkward talk about your empty bank account.

I will be paying with thoughts and prayers for this round.
Everyone knows I am paying with thoughts and prayers until Friday comes.
Keep the receipt because I am paying with thoughts and prayers now.
Should I start paying with thoughts and prayers for these expensive drinks?

Currently Running on Vibes and Tap Water

Everything is fine, except for the tiny detail of not having any cash at all. Throw this into the mix when someone asks how your budget is holding up. It sounds lighthearted and keeps the conversation flowing well. Friends appreciate the honesty when you admit you are broke but still smiling.

We are currently running on vibes and tap water this whole month.
Believe it or not, I am currently running on vibes and tap water.
Since I am currently running on vibes and tap water, let us walk.
Try living on vibes and tap water like me for a change.

The Bank Sent Me a Sympathy Card

Receiving mail from the bank is usually scary, but this makes it sound like they feel sorry for you. Use this when you want to play up how dramatic your financial situation feels. It works great for making your buddies roll their eyes at your silly, broke lifestyle choices today.

Guess what, the bank sent me a sympathy card this morning.
Even the bank sent me a sympathy card for my low balance.
Wishing the bank sent me a sympathy card instead of late fees.
Tell your manager the bank sent me a sympathy card, thanks.

My Piggy Bank is in Debt

Even the ceramic pig on your desk has given up on saving any money lately. Mention this when you want to emphasize that your situation is truly dire. It brings a bit of lightheartedness to a stressful moment. People will definitely realize you have zero room for any extra spending.

Even my piggy bank is in debt so do not ask me.
Realize that my piggy bank is in debt before you suggest sushi.
Sadly, my piggy bank is in debt until at least next Monday.
Admit that my piggy bank is in debt while we walk by.

I Am on a Liquid Diet of Budget Air

Breathable air is free, which makes it the only thing on your current menu. Mention this when friends ask why you are not eating out with them. It sounds absurd and highlights your lack of funds perfectly. Use this when you want to joke about being completely broke right now.

Please understand I am on a liquid diet of budget air.
Look at me on a liquid diet of budget air for dinner.
Staying on a liquid diet of budget air until the money arrives.
Forget about dinner because I am on a liquid diet of budget air.

My Wallet Identifies As a Bookmark

Thin and flat, that is exactly how your wallet feels these days. Tell your friends this when they ask to see your fancy new cards. It creates a funny image of a flat accessory that holds no cash. People laugh because they know exactly how that feels during a very long month.

Lately, my wallet identifies as a bookmark instead of a purse.
Check my pockets, my wallet identifies as a bookmark these days.
Trust me, my wallet identifies as a bookmark at the very best.
Unless you want a paper thin item, my wallet identifies as a bookmark.

Funny Ways to Say We Have No Money for Work Colleagues

The Company Check Has Not Arrived

Blaming the boss or the payroll department is a classic way to deflect from your own spending habits. Use this when you need to decline a lunch invite from your cubicle neighbor. It keeps things professional yet humorous enough to break the ice. Everyone understands the pain of waiting for pay.

The company check has not arrived so I brought my lunch.
Guess the company check has not arrived again this week, sadly.
Since the company check has not arrived, I will stick to coffee.
Keeping my spending low until the company check has not arrived.

My Finances Are in a Witness Protection Program

Disappearing funds mean you cannot be found by the tax man or your creditors. Mention this when people ask why you are keeping your spending so quiet. It sounds like a secret mission. Colleagues find it funny because it turns a boring money talk into a fun spy game.

Trust me, my finances are in a witness protection program now.
Clearly, my finances are in a witness protection program these days.
Keeping my distance since my finances are in a witness protection program.
Help because my finances are in a witness protection program today.

I Am Participating in a No Spend Challenge

Technically it is a choice, even if the choice was made by your empty bank account. Use this when you want to sound responsible rather than just plain broke. It makes your lack of money sound like a fun personal goal. Colleagues will admire your fake dedication to saving up.

Everyone knows I am participating in a no spend challenge now.
Should I mention I am participating in a no spend challenge?
Honestly, I am participating in a no spend challenge for sure.
Stick with me while I am participating in a no spend challenge.

My Accountant is a Cartoon Character

Nobody manages your money except for a funny drawing in your head. Tell this to coworkers when they ask for investment tips. It highlights how little you actually know about personal finance. The joke works because it makes your incompetence seem like a deliberate and funny life choice indeed.

Sorry, my accountant is a cartoon character and he is busy.
Notice that my accountant is a cartoon character at this time.
Maybe check back when my accountant is a cartoon character again.
Since my accountant is a cartoon character, I have no advice.

I Am Currently Investing in My Future Rest

Doing nothing costs nothing, so technically you are just saving energy for later. Mention this when you skip out on fancy office happy hours. It reframes being broke as a relaxing activity. Coworkers usually laugh at the creative way you describe your lack of social spending money today.

Really, I am currently investing in my future rest this week.
Understand that I am currently investing in my future rest here.
Why party when I am currently investing in my future rest?
Please stop because I am currently investing in my future rest.

The ATM Rejected My Friendship

Machines do not appreciate your personality, especially when there is no cash left inside. Use this when the machine gives you that dreaded low balance message. It personifies the bank in a funny way. Colleagues will find the interaction relatable if they have ever been denied cash before.

Look out because the ATM rejected my friendship again today.
Avoid the machine since the ATM rejected my friendship recently.
Can you believe the ATM rejected my friendship on sight?
Even the ATM rejected my friendship, so I am staying broke.

My Money is Taking a Sabbatical

Vacations are for everyone, including your bank balance. Tell your office pals this when you cannot afford the group gift or lunch. It sounds fancy, as if your money is just traveling the world. It keeps the mood light while you explain why you have absolutely no spare cash.

Believe it or not, my money is taking a sabbatical now.
Maybe join me while my money is taking a sabbatical later.
Actually, my money is taking a sabbatical at the moment.
Just know my money is taking a sabbatical for the month.

Also Read: 30+ Funny Ways to Say Welcome Back (with Examples)

Funny Ways to Say We Have No Money for Random Acquaintances

I Am a Professional Broke Person

Own the title because it makes the awkwardness disappear instantly. When someone asks you to donate to a cause or buy a ticket, just be blunt. Using a funny label makes you seem confident instead of ashamed. People find it easier to take no for an answer when you laugh.

Keep in mind I am a professional broke person these days.
Look, I am a professional broke person, so keep walking.
Recognize that I am a professional broke person to everyone.
Start here since I am a professional broke person today.

My Bank Account is a Restricted Area

Only authorized personnel can view the sad numbers, and they are currently closed. Use this when someone asks you to spend money on something unnecessary. It sounds like a government secret. It keeps people from asking follow-up questions because it shuts down the conversation in a very funny way.

Please avoid my bank account as it is a restricted area.
Watch as my bank account is a restricted area to all.
Because my bank account is a restricted area, I cannot buy.
Remember my bank account is a restricted area for now, thanks.

I Donated All My Money to Charity

Lying about being a philanthropist is much more fun than admitting you are broke. Use this when a stranger tries to sell you something expensive. It makes you sound like a hero. The confusion on their face will definitely make you smile while your wallet stays very empty.

Suppose I donated all my money to charity last night.
Imagine I donated all my money to charity for the win.
Feel proud that I donated all my money to charity lately.
Clearly I donated all my money to charity, so no sales.

I Am Having a Currency Shortage

Sounds very formal, almost like you are a small nation with economic troubles. Use this when you want to sound sophisticated about being poor. People usually stare for a second before laughing. It is a dry and witty way to admit you have absolutely no coins to spare.

Actually, I am having a currency shortage at the moment.
We are all having a currency shortage in this economy today.
Even nations are having a currency shortage, let alone me.
Expect that I am having a currency shortage, not money.

My Wallet is on a Strict Detox

Health is important, even for your leather accessories. Tell this to anyone asking you for a loan or a purchase. It implies that your wallet is purging all the spending habits. It is a funny health-focused metaphor that makes the sting of being broke feel much better to handle.

Understand my wallet is on a strict detox this week.
Please, my wallet is on a strict detox until next month.
Keeping quiet since my wallet is on a strict detox now.
Know that my wallet is on a strict detox for sure.

I Am Currently Between Funding Rounds

Acting like a startup founder is the best way to hide your poverty. Use this when you are buying cheap coffee and someone asks why. It makes you sound ambitious. People will think you are just busy raising capital instead of being entirely out of cash for lunch.

Hear me, I am currently between funding rounds right now.
Admit that I am currently between funding rounds this month.
Believe I am currently between funding rounds for my life.
Because I am currently between funding rounds, I cannot buy.

My Coins Went on Strike

They decided they deserve better treatment and walked out on you. Use this when someone asks for a spare dollar. It is a classic move that makes your lack of money seem like a protest. People will chuckle because it paints a picture of tiny rebellious coins leaving you.

Obviously, my coins went on strike against me this morning.
Why care when my coins went on strike so loudly?
Even my coins went on strike for better pay today.
Please, my coins went on strike, so I have nothing.

I Forgot How to Use Money

Sudden amnesia is a very effective excuse when the bill arrives. Tell this to a vendor or a salesperson. It is so ridiculous that they might just give up. It puts you in a position of someone who is clearly just playing around with the whole concept of cash.

Sorry, I forgot how to use money for the day.
Can you believe I forgot how to use money, actually?
Keep calm since I forgot how to use money today.
Recognize that I forgot how to use money for everything.

My Funds Are Currently in Deep Sleep

They are just resting up until a better time arrives, hopefully soon. Use this when you need to explain why you are not making any purchases. It sounds peaceful rather than stressful. Friends and acquaintances will find it a cute way to avoid talking about your real budget.

Unfortunately, my funds are currently in deep sleep for now.
Wait until my funds are currently in deep sleep tomorrow.
Because my funds are currently in deep sleep, skip dinner.
See, my funds are currently in deep sleep this month.

I Am Saving the Planet by Not Consuming

Spending less is good for the environment, right? Use this to deflect pressure to buy things. It turns your lack of cash into an eco-friendly stance. People will have a hard time arguing with you when you frame being poor as an act of noble environmental preservation today.

Really, I am saving the planet by not consuming goods.
Tell everyone I am saving the planet by not consuming.
Look at me, I am saving the planet by not consuming.
Feel free because I am saving the planet by not consuming.

Funny Ways to Say We Have No Money for Family Dinners

The Bank Balance is Hiding From Me

Afraid of looking at the app because the number might be scary? Admit this to your siblings. It is a relatable way to say you are broke. It highlights the fear we all feel about our bank accounts. Your family will surely laugh at your shared financial trauma together.

Obviously the bank balance is hiding from me tonight.
Watch as the bank balance is hiding from me too.
Since the bank balance is hiding from me, let us skip.
Tell mom the bank balance is hiding from me, truly.

My Wallet is Doing a Minimalist Challenge

Everything is gone except for a receipt from three years ago. Use this when your parents ask if you can pitch in for the bill. It makes your lack of cash sound intentional and modern. Family members appreciate the effort to be trendy even when you are totally broke.

See, my wallet is doing a minimalist challenge right now.
Trust that my wallet is doing a minimalist challenge here.
Why spend when my wallet is doing a minimalist challenge?
Maybe my wallet is doing a minimalist challenge for life.

I Am a Victim of Spontaneous Poverty

It hit you like a wave out of nowhere, leaving nothing behind. Tell your cousins this when they suggest an expensive weekend trip. It sounds like an unexpected medical event. It adds a bit of humor to the stress of being flat broke during a big family get-together.

Clearly, I am a victim of spontaneous poverty this week.
Help because I am a victim of spontaneous poverty now.
Believe that I am a victim of spontaneous poverty lately.
Understand I am a victim of spontaneous poverty, so sorry.

My Money Had a Change of Heart

It left you for someone else who could treat it better. Use this when you are broke during the holidays. It makes your situation seem like a romantic breakup. Your family will enjoy the irony of your money running off to find a more exciting person than you.

Sad, my money had a change of heart about me.
Guess my money had a change of heart this weekend.
Why be mad when my money had a change of heart?
Really, my money had a change of heart and left.

I Am Living on the Interest of My Imagination

Dreams are free, but they do not pay for pizza. Share this with your aunts and uncles when they ask about your finances. It is a poetic way to admit you are struggling. It sounds sophisticated enough to make them pause before asking why you are still poor.

Yes, I am living on the interest of my imagination.
Watch me, I am living on the interest of my imagination.
Keep in mind I am living on the interest of my imagination.
Stay because I am living on the interest of my imagination.

My Credit Score is Higher Than My Balance

It is a sad state of affairs when your number is better than your cash flow. Mention this when talking about the future with your family. It sounds smart but is actually a funny realization. They will see that you are being honest about your financial reality today.

Really, my credit score is higher than my balance now.
Know that my credit score is higher than my balance.
Actually, my credit score is higher than my balance here.
Believe my credit score is higher than my balance, sadly.

Final Thoughts

Everything feels better when you can laugh about tough times. Finding humor in being broke makes the day easier to handle with your friends or family. Go out there and use these lines to lighten the mood whenever your wallet feels empty. Keep smiling and stay bright, my wonderful friend.