You ever have that one person who just won’t take the hint? Yeah, we all do. Sometimes, you need to tell someone to go away—but you wanna keep it light, funny, or just straight-up weird. So I made a list for you! Here are 18 funny ways to say “go away” without actually being mean. Whether it’s a friend who won’t stop talking or a stranger getting on your nerves, use one of these and smile!
1. Take a hike
This one’s an old classic. It sounds outdoorsy, like you’re suggesting they go enjoy nature, but really, you’re saying “leave me alone.” It’s playful and kinda nice but still makes your point. If someone is annoying you but you don’t want to hurt their feelings, just say, “Hey, maybe you should take a hike.” It’s clear, funny, and not too rude. Works great when you want space and don’t want to explain everything.
2. Shoo
Like how you’d tell a fly to buzz off. Say it with a flick of your hand for extra drama. “Shoo” is short, silly, and makes people laugh even if they get the message. It sounds like something your grandma might say to a chicken. Use this when someone is hanging around too long and you’re just done. Add a smile so they know you’re joking… kind of.
3. Go play in traffic
Okay, this one’s dark humor. Do not say it to someone super sensitive. But if your friend knows you’re joking, it hits. You’re not really wishing harm—just showing how much you want them gone. It’s a classic over-the-top line. Say it with a laugh and roll your eyes. Works best on people who annoy you daily and will totally get the joke.
4. Scram
Feels like something from an old black-and-white movie. “Scram, kid!” Quick and punchy. It’s got attitude, but not too serious. Use it when someone’s poking into your business or being nosy. It makes you sound like a detective or a comic book character. Say it with a smirk and maybe toss your hand like you’re swatting away air. Easy and fun.
5. Vanish like a magician
This one’s magical and dramatic. Instead of saying “go,” you’re telling them to disappear in style. Add some jazz hands for flair. “Vanish like a magician” makes them feel like part of a show, even if the message is clear. Say it when you’re over someone being around, but want to add sparkle. It softens the blow and makes you sound kinda cool.
See Also: 30 Best Other Ways to Say “What Time Suits You Best?”
6. Be gone, peasant
Total medieval vibe here. Say it with a fake British accent and a hand wave. Feels royal and ridiculous. “Be gone, peasant” works best with friends who love dramatic jokes. It’s over-the-top and sounds like you’re a queen or king kicking someone out of your castle. It’s not mean if said in a silly voice. Perfect for playful situations.
7. Get lost in a corn maze
This one paints a whole picture. You’re not just saying go away—you’re sending them on a confusing journey. Corn mazes are twisty, long, and hard to escape. So when you tell someone to “get lost in a corn maze,” it’s funny and kinda clever. Use this when someone keeps bugging you and you want to make them laugh while also making them go.
8. Go bother a squirrel
This is just weird enough to be funny. You’re basically saying, “Stop bothering me. Go bother something else.” A squirrel is random and small and already busy doing squirrel stuff. So the idea of someone annoying a squirrel instead of you? Hilarious. Say it when you’re feeling playful but also need peace. Sounds wild, but they’ll get the hint.
9. Take your nonsense elsewhere
This one’s for when someone is being extra dramatic or saying things that make no sense. “Take your nonsense elsewhere” is polite enough but still firm. It’s like saying, “Go be weird far away from me.” Great for when you’re not angry, just tired of hearing silliness. Works well in groups, too. People usually laugh at how classy and silly it sounds at once.
10. Float away like a balloon
Super gentle and kind of poetic. Imagine a balloon drifting up into the sky—gone, but beautifully. Telling someone to “float away like a balloon” is a soft way to say you need space. Great for sensitive people. You’re not being rude, just a little funny and creative. Add a whooshing sound for full effect. It’s oddly calming and makes the point sweetly.
11. Go count the grains of sand
This one takes forever—which is the point. You’re telling them to do something impossible instead of hanging around. It’s a sneaky way of saying, “Get lost.” They’ll laugh at the image of trying to count sand. It sounds silly, impossible, and super boring. Use this when you want someone to waste time somewhere else. They’ll either laugh or leave—both are wins.
12. Exit, stage left
Drama club kids will love this one. It sounds like you’re directing a play, telling them to leave the scene. Say it with flair and maybe do a little bow. “Exit, stage left” is theatrical and funny. Perfect for when someone is being dramatic and you want to match their energy. They’ll get the joke and probably laugh on their way out.
13. Go chase a butterfly
It’s sweet but sneaky. You’re telling someone to go do something pointless and far away. Chasing a butterfly sounds peaceful, so it won’t hurt their feelings. Great for people who need distraction or can’t stop talking. Use this when you want to be nice but still say, “Please leave.” The image is cute and makes people giggle even as they walk off.
14. Time to teleport away
This one’s for your nerdy or sci-fi-loving friends. Instead of saying “go,” you’re asking them to teleport out. It’s cooler and a lot more fun. Bonus points if you make a sound effect like “whoosh!” while saying it. “Time to teleport away” is geeky and friendly. It’s funny, weird, and just confusing enough to work without hurting anyone’s feelings.
15. Go sing to a tree
Completely random and odd, which makes it perfect. You’re telling them to go be weird somewhere else. Trees don’t care about bad singing, but you sure do. So instead of arguing, just say, “Go sing to a tree.” It gives them something to do that’s far away. Use it when you’re tired of nonsense and want a laugh too.
See Also: 29 Another Ways to Say “Don’t Shoot the Messenger”
16. Beat it, banana
Throw a fruit in there for flavor. “Beat it” means go away, and “banana” just makes it funny. You can use any fruit, really, but banana sounds silly and random. Say it fast and loud like you mean it, even if you’re joking. Great for friends who know your humor. They’ll either laugh or throw a fake banana at you.
17. Catch a flying taco
Totally makes no sense, which is why it works. Who’s out here catching tacos? No one. That’s the joke. You’re sending them on a crazy mission just to get them to leave. Say it when someone keeps bugging you with weird questions. “Go catch a flying taco” makes no sense but gets the point across with a laugh.
18. Walk until you see a unicorn
Unicorns are magical, but also very fake. So if someone walks until they see one, they’ll be walking forever. That’s your way of saying, “Go far away. Keep going.” It’s a dreamy and funny way to tell someone to disappear. Say it with a smile and maybe throw in some sparkle hands. It’s weird enough to be unforgettable.
I hope you had fun reading this and now have some silly ways to tell people to leave without sounding too mean. Sometimes we all need space, and saying it with a joke makes it easier. Keep these lines ready for those moments when you just can’t deal. Stay funny, stay kind, and never be afraid to say, “Shoo!”
